


Gravity

by fragilespark



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: F/M, ME3, shega
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-04-15
Updated: 2015-10-18
Packaged: 2018-01-19 13:15:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 21,533
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1471177
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fragilespark/pseuds/fragilespark
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>n, the attracting force of physical bodies.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Shepard watches James work while he tells her what he thought of the mission, what he thinks about what's coming next, sometimes even his past. James knows it's a routine, can feel them settling into it. It's been a long time since she told him _no nicknames_. Long enough that she doesn't seem to mind when he lets out a _Shep_. She stands near the punch bag, arms folded, body tilted away as if she's going to walk over to Cortez any second, but James knows he has her full attention for the duration of their talk.

There's not much more he can do to the shotgun on the workbench, but he looks down at it now and then, just to keep the pattern going. Shepard's eyeing it, and he knows she'll want to test out the upgrade next time they're in the field.

The main lights go out. The ship moves from under him and he's suspended; his feet barely touch the ground. The gun floats in front of him. Shepard's also been lifted.

"Joker! EDI!" she calls into the comm. Her movement takes her higher and she throws a hand out to grab the bar above James' station but misses it by a good few inches.

Then James sees it: a look of panic on Shepard's face, just for a moment. He kicks at the floor and grabs at the bar himself, reaching for her still outstretched arm with the other hand. He tugs her close and feels a shake that she's trying to suppress. "I got you."

It takes her a few deep breaths, but she yells at everyone to get out of the shuttle bay.

Cortez is the first to try. "The elevator's not working!"

"Then get to the emergency stairwell. Move!"

The scene is the same in the other decks. The crew trying to hang on to safety, not knowing what to do, staying away from guns or knives or whatever else could fall down any minute and do some harm. And Shepard, who hasn't let go of James for a single second, though every time she notices she grabs his shirt instead. They move in tandem; she's on a mission to get to the bridge, he's on a mission to get her there. The rail surrounding the meeting room makes everything seem easy for a moment. The powered down door doesn't. James has never had to use the manual handles before and it's a joint effort to pull the sections apart enough for them to get through to security and through the next one.

The holo of the Normandy is out and everyone is strapped into their seats.

"Commander!" Traynor shouts.

"Any news from EDI?"

"None. It's like she's shut down."

"Dammit."

They use the columns to move through the CIC. Sometimes it seems that Shepard is the one pulling him along. Her breathing gets even shallower as they move towards the bridge.

"You okay, Shepard?"

The effort it takes for her to say _fine_ contradicts the word. She touches the ceiling as if it burns her.

Once they get the last door open, Joker turns his head. "Commander! EDI's down. Or at least, she's not talking, but all the power is routed to critical systems. I think she's doing that. I'm getting us docked so we can figure it out."

They pull themselves past the airlock and James tries to get Shepard towards the right-hand chair. She grabs onto it and turns it around, and between them they get her strapped in. She looks up at him, finally, and breathes a quiet _thanks_. He's not sure he should be leaving her - the gravity loss must have triggered a deeply buried reaction to going down with the first Normandy - but he launches himself towards the opposite side to take the other seat. Until she sends him away, he's here to help.

Joker turns again, and there's a beat as he looks at Shepard, and he can't fail to notice the way she's clutching onto the arms of the chair. "We'll be all right, Commander."

"I know." she says, but her hands clench in place, like they did on the material still warm against James' shoulder.

 

Even before they land, the planet's gravity embraces his body and draws James down into his seat. Shepard has her eyes closed, but as soon as they land, EDI's voice cuts through the powering down. "Shepard."

Joker's exhale is full of relief.

"Go ahead."

"I have diagnosed the fault and will assign the relevant tasks to the engineers. I was able to compensate successfully but I recommend Alliance maintenance at the Citadel."

"Are the comms working again?"

"For now, yes."

Joker turns in his chair. "Anything you want me to say to the crew, Commander?"

"Yeah. Everyone's on clean up duty." Shepard pulls her hands away from the arm rests and unbuckles herself before standing. "Let me know when the repairs are done. I'll be in my cabin."

James stands and rolls his shoulders. There's going to be a hell of a job in the shuttle bay. His weights will be _everywhere_.

When he gets down there, Cortez is already picking up some of the guns that have been unhooked from the walls, and is checking the walls for damage.

"Did any of 'em go off?"

"Not that I've seen, but we do need to look at a better way of storing them, just in case this happens again."

James wanders over to his work station, thinking over what happened as he picks things up. Specifically, he's thinking about what Shepard's face looked like as she reached out to him, how Shepard - Commander Shepard - clung to him for safety. The more he tries to dismiss the thoughts, the more persistent they become. He has to know if she's all right.

When he gets to her door he knocks, and he hears the faint _come in_. Shepard's at her desk, rubbing her face. He suspects that she might have had her head in her hands but... maybe she's not as shaken as he thinks. Maybe he just needs to shut up and do his job. She sighs as he sees him, the set of her shoulders dropping. He takes it as a compliment.

"Hey, Shepard."

The model of the Normandy SR-1 sits on her desk. The others are back on the display rack. "It's been a year... three years. Why now?"

James shrugs. "Your body remembers."

She puts it back, and the wing hits the glass. She's not careful or reverent with it. So maybe it's not losing the ship that scares her as much as losing herself.

He clears his throat. "I just think you should know. Whatever you need, I'm here. As your Lieutenant or... as a friend."

She focuses her gaze on him then, eyebrows furrowing just a little, and James thinks he's crossed the line. Of course he has. They've been a lot of things, but not-

"I'm buying."

"What?"

She straightens again. "When we get to the Citadel. It's the least I can do. I was kind of a burden."

"...yeah, you were."

" _Lieutenant!_ "

He dodges the datapad she throws at him. Sturdy little things. "But I'd carry you any day."

There's a hint of a smile on her face. "Get out."

James salutes and makes his way out of her cabin, stealing away with a smile of his own.


	2. Chapter 2

In Purgatory, there's no shortage of attention. The Lower Bar is where you get asked to drink, and the Upper Bar is where you get asked to dance. Shepard's logic for dragging James to the Upper Bar seems to be that people who want to dance tend to move on a lot faster than people who want a drink. It's darker too, and harder to hear, James notices as he leans close. It's nice to actually get to have a drink with the Commander. She's not one for much socialising, but it's good to see her take advantage of the temporary grounding. He's pleased to be singled out, too, though he's not sure if that's something he should be thinking too hard about. He did call her a friend after all.

"There you go," she says after ordering a second round, "you'll have to work for any more."

"Or I could just go downstairs."

"You call that flexing 'work'?"

James chuckles. It might take him a few years and a couple of tries saving the galaxy before he gets as effortlessly familiar as some of the others, but he isn't doing too badly. "You know it."

The choice of the Upper Bar is starting to make sense. Faces are harder to see, and very few people seem to notice Commander Shepard is right there. James usually likes people-watching, but his attention is pretty much fixed on her for the evening. The deep pulse of the beat reverberates through his boots. Solid ground. Shepard must be pretty content with that part. They haven't mentioned it since, but James is sure, just like telling her about his lost squad, that if and when she wants to talk about anything then she will. Their positions are reversed though. She's hardly going to come to him for advice.

"What do you say we head to the Strip next?"

"Bar crawling? Wow, you really need the- sure." Let nobody say James Vega can't keep pace with the Commander.

"Don't worry, there's a room in my apartment with your name on it."

James stops. Is she flirting?

She raises an eyebrow at his bewilderment. "You know, the one with the punching bag."

 _Oh._ "Yeah! Yeah, sure. Right." James bluffs his way through as he follows her out. For a moment... _get it together, Vega_.

The quiet whirr of the skycar and the silence between them is an odd interruption but soon they move into the thrum of one of Silversun's clubs. It's not one James has been to before but it's apparent there's a newly expanded section that makes it bigger than Purgatory. Three bars.

"Where do you want to start, Commander?"

She bumps her fist briefly against his back. "It's your round, remember?"

"Ha... yeah." James leads her to the nearest one and orders them a special each.

Shepard's eyes crinkle as she smiles. Not something he sees enough. "Reckless as ever."

It turns out each of the bars has a different special and of course James takes it upon himself to challenge Shepard to try them all with him. By the time they stagger away from the last bar it's hard for either of them to contain their laughter after drinking a bright pink drink with a name he can't remember because Shepard keeps referring to it as 'hanar juice'.

"One more." Shepard says. "Just... something sensible."

Shepard's idea of sensible involves a couple of 'Earth-clan cider shots' which he's pretty sure are neither from Earth nor made from apples. Her loose interpretation of _one more_ is down to the fact she has no room for beer.

"I'll be right back," Shepard says, giving him another playful nudge. "Save me a seat." James has never known Shepard to be so informal.

He really, really likes it.

For a Volus-run bar this tiny place is packed. It's usually the Batarians that attract the hardcore drinkers. Shepard's spot is quickly filled and James sits on a stool before they claim that too. At least the music isn't as loud here. He usually likes it, but when he's having an actual conversation with Shepard - especially when it's composed of giggles and nonsense - he wants to be able to hear every word. Combined with the effects of the alcohol he was starting to watch her lips more than was appropriate. Wetting them after a sip-

He feels hands slide up his shoulders and nearly sends his empty glass flying.

"Keeping my seat warm, Vega?"

"Shit... Yeah. 's all yours." He gets to his feet.

"Nah, I'm done here. I want to be able to find my way back."

Silversun never sleeps so it's hard to know exactly what time it is when they get to the apartment. James leans against the wall near the entrance to take his boots off and Shepard leans her hand against it to do the same. She's right by him, and if she looked up...

_Don't look up. Please look up._

James tries not to look guilty when she does lift her gaze and sees how close they are. She's not moving away. Maybe her reactions are slow right now. It's been a few years but James is pretty sure this is the moment just before a kiss.

"Regs." He utters uselessly. It's the ugliest sound in the world.

"Reapers." She says, and moves away. "Night, James."

He watches her go up the stairs and stands for a long time, holding his boot. _Vega... you idiot._

 

He wakes with his face pressed in the pillow and his belt buckle pressing into his stomach. Sleeping with his clothes still on. Definitely a rough night. His hand moves up to rub his face. Where is he? Shots with Cortez... no... Shepard.

He bolts awake. Shepard. He kissed Shepard.

James looks around. No, wait. The punch bag. A room with his name on it. He sits on the edge of the bed and cradles his head. Did he kiss Shepard? Or just want to? He takes a deep breath. He needs aspirin. And breakfast. As he stands, he remembers. _Reapers_. Of course. Does that mean that, without Reapers-

_Stop._

He sighs and opens the door. He didn't know these rooms actually had doors. Makes sense. The faint sound of the plasma tv comes through from the lounge bar, and he heads there.

Shepard is channel-hopping.

"Morning," he says, his voice not coming out quite how he expected it to sound.

Shepard looks at him. "Morning." It might be more accurate to say she inspects him. "Hungry?"

He nods, rubbing the side of his face.

"Hmmm." Shepard leaves it on a random music channel and stands, steering him towards a stool in the kitchen. "Sit."

"Want me to make..."

She waves him off. "I'll make breakfast." There's a hint of a smile, and somehow it seems familiar. "You can supervise."


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> content warning: character death

James was just there to follow orders.

Things had moved so fast since they'd been to Thessia. Nothing had prepared him for the horrors on Sanctuary. The Collectors had come close, but knowing it was orchestrated by humans made it even more sickening. No, they didn't deserve to be called human.

He looked down at the woman who had sent her father to her death. Miranda was in Shepard's arms, struggling to get her last words out. Shepard had applied medigel, but it looked like it wasn't going to do much good. He didn't want to watch, out of respect. He was out of place, his mind already reeling from the events of the day.

Miranda went quiet. Liara took Oriana away.

No orders came. Shepard just held Miranda, her head bowed. James moved closer and crouched beside her. "Shepard..." he said gently, in prompting.

Shepard's only movement was her breathing.

"Shepard," he said again, touching her shoulder, "we have to go."

"I can't leave her," she said, her voice worn with an unshed sob.

James had never known her to be so emotive before. Not for anyone. He put his arm around her shoulders. "The Alliance will be here soon. They'll look after her."

Shepard's torso bowed further as she set Miranda down on the floor. James moved to stand, keeping Shepard close and coaxing her to stand with him. Her eyes never left the other woman and he squeezed reassuringly. Shepard nodded and turned away, not protesting as he kept his arm around her all the way to the shuttle.

 

Shepard hadn't stopped to remove her equipment and James watched her leave the shuttle bay as he removed his. She would need some time.

By the time the mess hall was empty that evening, James learned that she hadn't appeared elsewhere on the ship yet. On the one hand, he didn't want to bother her. What did he know about her life with Cerberus and the people she'd worked with? On the other, he knew what it was to lose and grieve over a squadmate.

By the time the night shift started and people were turning in, he had decided he wouldn't be able to get any rest until he had gone up to see how she was.

He knocked on her cabin and heard nothing, so he tried the door. It opened into darkness, not even her fishtank lighting the room. What he did see with the light that came from behind him were pieces of her armour strewn across the floor.

"Shepard?" he called, growing more concerned by the second.

As he turned the corner, he heard "I'm here". Shepard sat on her swivel chair, evidently having showered at some point, her still damp hair hanging down behind her. She wore a simple vest and shorts, her legs splayed out vaguely under the desk.

"Want me to put the light on?" James said.

A sigh. "I busted it."

"Shit. Are you okay?"

As he moved closer, the door whizzed shut behind him, plunging them into darkness.

"EDI."

"Yes, Shepard."

"You can put the emergency lighting on now. And... I'm sorry for yelling at you."

"Understood, Shepard."

A soft glow came from above them, but it was bright enough to make Shepard squint, her eyes red. James had never known her to cry before.

"I'm sorry."

"Yeah." Another sigh.

James moved to her armour and started picking it up. "Let me help with this."

Shepard stood and took the pieces from him, putting them away in her armour locker.

"Uh... I know it's not much, but... I'm here. And if you... you know, need a hug or anything," he shifted his weight, "I can do those too."

Shepard's hand was still on the panel of her locker as she stood there. "Miranda rebuilt me. We were never close, but I respected her."

James took a moment to process that. He'd assumed the grief had been due to a close friendship. They'd lost so many people already and Shepard had carried on, knowing what was at stake. Unless she'd mourned in private, but James had a feeling it hadn't been like this.

"Tell me about her?" he offered, not knowing what else to say.

Shepard closed her eyes, just breathing for a moment. "Miranda once told me that she'd live longer than the average human. She was supposed to outlive us, but... she's gone."

James stepped closer, saying nothing.

"I was dead..."

It seemed an incomplete thought, but nevertheless probably not healthy for Shepard to dwell on her own mortality. It wasn't something James wanted to contemplate either. "Shepard, you're alive now. That's what counts."

She turned to him, but her gaze didn't quite reach him. "Because I'm useful. A weapon."

 _Shit_. That was what she believed? The conversation had gone from Miranda to her, and the two were connected in a way that James hadn't anticipated. Did Miranda really have that much influence that losing her made Shepard topple? "Shepard..." there was never a right thing to say, but he couldn't say nothing. "You're alive, and you're meant to be here."

"So was she."

"I know. She didn't deserve to die. Cerberus - they turned on their own. You, Miranda. I'm glad she got out. But I'm glad she brought you back."

Shepard pulled away from her locker, eyes still trained to the floor.

"Hey... I'm sure Miranda didn't see you as a weapon. You're real, Shepard, just like me. No matter how you were brought back." He held his arm out.

Shepard stepped closer. "You weren't engineered."

James put his arms around her and pulled her close, her hair tickling his forearms. He'd never seen her with it down before. "No, I actually have to work for these muscles." He stilled and prayed his quip wouldn't offend her.

Instead, she leaned into his embrace. "And don't we know it."

James looked up at the stars as he held her. "She had faith in you, Shepard." And so did he, but it wasn't about him.

Shepard snaked her arms around his waist, pressing her face against his shoulder. "You have a big heart, James."

He closed his eyes, and let her hold him for as long as she needed to.


	4. Chapter 4

Liara had wasted no time in passing on the Cerberus intel to Hackett.

A few days later, Shepard had warned them all that they were making one final stop at the Citadel before the inevitable assault on the Cerberus base.

"Hey Traynor," James called, seeing her tapping away at her datapad with one hand, a half eaten wrap held aloft in the other, "aren't you gonna take a break?"

She swallowed her mouthful before responding, "this _is_ my break."

"But you're still working."

"Not really," she smiled, "it's something fun."

Fun? Now that was something he could get behind. Unless... "Wait, Traynor fun, or average marine fun?"

"You're hardly average, Vega," she remarked as he sat opposite her. "I've been working on a way to use the Normandy's comms systems to transmit ship-wide audio without using up any resources away from the rest of the network."

James knew how vital every fraction of a second was when it came to war communication. If anyone would respect how the tiniest percentage could affect the system, it was Traynor. "You're right. It does sound like something you'd do for fun. What kind of audio though?"

"Anything we like. I was thinking mostly music. Set up a playlist and go."

"Ha. So you're trying to make a radio station?"

She smiled and put down her wrap. "I suppose you could put it that way. I want people to be able to connect to it whenever they want, wherever they are on the ship, without having to rely on outside transmissions and without putting a load on the system." She leaned back. "In fact, you could help me test it, if you like. If you're not doing anything, that is."

He could hit Purgatory with Esteban, but for some reason Traynor's pet project had sparked his interest and he wanted to help out. "Sure. What do you need me to do?"

She grinned. "Well, firstly you're going to have to pick some music."

 

James stood at his work station, glad Traynor had said nothing about the abundance of asari songstress compilations on his omni-tool. The project had made him think, though. He couldn't remember ever hearing music on the ship that wasn't the odd personal listen in the mess hall or crew quarters. Sure, it was a military ship, and they were at war, but maybe it could help morale for a few moments and it would be worth it. He reached up and did a couple of pull-ups as he waited.

"Vega, are you there?"

"Yep," he said, dropping down.

"Okay, EDI and I have configured the new channel, all you have to do is connect to it. It should be on the end of the list."

"Got it."

A pause. "Can you hear anything?"

"Only you."

"Hang on."

James waited. All right, so maybe this wasn't going to be as fun as he'd hoped. She did say 'test' and not 'party to'.

"Anything?"

"Nope."

The next sound to break the silence was the lift door opening as Cortez entered the shuttle bay. "And the Commander says _I_ work hard. What are you doing here, Mr. Vega?"

"Just helping Traynor out with something."

"Traynor doesn't use weapons, what does-"

The speaker at James' workstation hummed with an upbeat melody.

"What about now?" came Traynor's voice. "Ooh, I can hear it." 

James laughed. "I can't, turn it up!"

 

They had tested it at the main shuttle bay console, which created extra problems for Traynor and EDI as it was used for so much data already, whereas James' was only used for comms. Now they were trying to get it to work on the main tannoy, which without a panel at their end, was purely up to EDI to control. They could only give feedback.

The music was interrupted by an announcement.

"Shepard is on board."

James hadn't heard that since they'd left for Thessia. For the crew it meant _we're leaving urgently and you missed your chance to get off-ship_. Normally, they just left once a course was set, because Shepard made sure that everyone was accounted for, but it seemed to be code for _shit is getting real_. Sure enough, the parts of the Normandy that weren't already activated hummed to life, and the music stopped.

They were going to get Cerberus.

James gave it five minutes before calling Joker and checking their ETA.

Time enough to triple-check his equipment. Time enough for a nap in the shuttle. He slept some, emerging to the chatter of Garrus and Esteban. Maybe Shepard had already decided who was going with her.

"I'm gonna go stretch my legs," he said to them as he headed for the lift. His hand hovered over the panel once he was in. "EDI, where's the Commander?"

"In the war room, Lieutenant."

"Got it." he pressed for deck 2 and mused upon the possibility of elevator music before walking into the CIC. Traynor was at her station, and he had a brilliant idea. "Hey, Traynor."

"Come to make a request?" she chuckled, but her hands were full of real data.

"Not far off. I mean, could you put the music on?" he shrugged. "You don't have to do anything more."

"Of course." she said, and interrupted her work for only a moment to activate the channel.

"Gracias." He walked through security and past the meeting room when he met Shepard coming through the door.

"Need something, James?"

The tiniest shred of doubt gnawed at him. "Sorry, you busy?"

She gave him a look, but soon relaxed. "I've just given Hackett the go ahead. Now we just have to get there. So I suppose I could spare a few. What is it?"

"Just... wanted to see how you are. And to show something off."

Her eyebrow went up. "It's not another tattoo, is it?"

"Ha! No."

"Should I be worried?"

He shook his head. "It's not my handiwork." He looked around, brow furrowing slightly. "Does this room have a comm point?"

"Of course it does," she said, walking into the glass-paned area. "Right here."

There wasn't much room near the table for what he had planned. And if anyone walked through... "One sec."

Shepard watched him with a bemused expression as he jabbed at the buttons, but when a sweet ballad started coming through the speakers, it turned to genuine surprise.

 _Now or never_. He held his hand out. "Do you wanna dance?"

At some point he had blurred off-duty Shepard and all-business Shepard, standing there in her dress uniform and swept back hair, having just ordered a fleet to attack their second largest enemy. But he stood by what he'd said the other night. She was a person, not a weapon.

She smirked and took his hand. "Do I need to pull my punches this time?"

He swept his arm around her waist. "Depends how badly you want me on my back."

She laughed. The tiny space allowed for only a single step before they had to turn, but given that he didn't know any dances for asari music, it didn't seem to matter what they did.

"So, uh... am I coming with you to the base?"

Her gaze fixed on his, back to the serious Shepard he'd known for so long. "Damn straight you are, Lieutenant."


	5. Chapter 5

James was suited up and in the shuttle with Cortez as soon as Shepard had given her order via comms. It wasn't long before Garrus got into the shuttle and James was surprised when EDI also followed. Shepard went straight for the passenger seat instead of staying back with them. The shuttle bay cleared out in a hurry so they could deploy quickly. He gripped on tight as they flew into the Cerberus base and Cortez made his landing on Mars look tame.

"Fuck, Esteban!" he said, but Shepard was already rushing past him and out to take care of the enemies that hadn't been knocked out already. He jumped out after her and got straight into it. He wasn't going to fuck around.

"Vega, up front!"

"You got it." He shot at the troops ahead and took cover, moving forward again to steal more ground. Garrus would have easy pickings.

The sound was familiar, but in the second it took James to fully register, it was already too late.

_Atlas_.

The rocket struck him in the side, blasting against his armour. It knocked him almost out of cover, leaving him unable to see or hear for a few moments. He could feel his Foucault currents buzzing violently from the absorption of some of the force, but the brunt of the impact had been a physical blow against his armour, which had slammed into his body. The pain burned him in the next second. He drew in a big suck of air.

He had to move.

Before he could remember how, Shepard was crouching in front of him, face scrunched in concentration as she glowed with her biotics and her own barrier lifted from her skin. Another push and she enclosed them both, barely. She wasn't trained for this. The visible effort in her face and body as she absorbed the impact of the three shots fired by the Atlas made James want to scream _take it down_.

She stumbled back as the barrier died, blood running from her nose.

He heard the thunk again.

Shepard dove for James this time, shielding him, and when the rocket hit the only thing James felt was heat and the crash of her body against his. Their pained sounds were lost in the small explosion, but Shepard didn't miss a beat, grabbing James' frag grenades and twisting to lob them at the Atlas, while Garrus' shots cracked the cockpit glass. Before the Atlas could shoot again, there was a satisfying smash as it caved in completely, and a few more shots as Garrus and EDI cleaned up the rest.

James found his voice. "Shepard-"

"Hold on," she said, her voice tight from pain, reaching over the cover to shoot a straggler. The gunshot echoed in the hangar and then everything was quiet apart from their breathing. Shepard sat back on her heels and looked him over, a shaky hand wiping her nose. "Anything broken?"

He shook his head. He was fine. He was smarting and would bruise like hell, though. So would she. It was the biotics he was worried about. He'd never seen her try a barrier before, but now that he thought about it he'd previously just assumed all biotics could. "Hey," he said, grabbing her wrist, "you okay?"

Shepard took a deep breath before standing to pull him up. "I'll be fine."

He held onto her longer than necessary, driving his concern home.

"I'm fine, James-"

They were beset by the alarms going off and a fighter launching at far too close a range. He was grateful that she'd gone out of her way to protect him like that. EDI was the one who was crucial to the mission, countering Cerberus' defence measures as they moved through the base.

Shepard stopped at a terminal that EDI claimed contained information on her reconstruction at the hands of Cerberus. As soon as he heard 'clinically braindead' and 'trauma' he felt a twisting from his throat to his stomach. Knowing it as an abstract concept was different from hearing the facts in words, and Shepard expressed the same sentiment out loud.

"I didn't realise it was that bad."

James wanted to keep the conversation going but what he wanted to say and what he could say were light years apart. He wanted to be back on the Normandy with her, having a real heart to heart where no one could hurt them.

Garrus saved him from blurting out something stupid. "Pretty stark. You okay?"

"I'm still me."

James didn't know if it was bravado or conviction. "Damn straight, Commander," he said, and he would say it until she didn't need to hear it any more.

 

They reached a large hall with a large mass of what looked like Reaper tech suspended in the middle. "What is that thing?"

"All those colonists processed," Garrus lamented, "and Cerberus hangs it up like a trophy."

The sick twisting in James' chest came back tenfold. He was looking at the remains of what the colony died for. What his squad died for. The ugliness of it all threatened to wither him from the inside. Rage. Horror. Guilt. "Didn't you destroy it?"

"Yeah," Shepard said, "looks like I'm not the only thing the Illusive Man used his fortune to recover." She turned to him. "It ends here."

_Focus, Vega. Make it count._

 

James didn't say a word as the shuttle took them back to the Normandy. When he was removing his gear, Steve tried to tell him about the repairs he'd had to make but James didn't have the head for it. He'd finally seen the Illusive Man - in hologram form at least - small, unimposing. He wanted to snap his neck. The Reapers had taken the Citadel to Earth, and Shepard had killed Kai Leng. _For Miranda_. Every room in that base had been a hall of mirrors that made them confront their own personal demons. Yet they'd only had one victory. Everything was worse than when they'd gone in.

Cortez had given up trying to make conversation and had left him in the shuttle bay. James peeled off the vest he had worn under his armour, wincing at the way he still hurt from when the Atlas had flanked him. He looked down at his bruising skin and sighed. They'd saved the medi-gel for more serious wounds so he was going to feel this one, even if he applied some now.

The shuttle bay door opened and Shepard went to see him. He kept his eyes on his desk.

"That looks bad."

"Yeah."

Shepard had obviously showered already, from the light fragrance her presence brought. He didn't want to think about that right now. Or the way she was watching him.

"No more stops."

"I know."

Whatever it was he expected to feel on knowing they were going back to Earth to finish it, it wasn't this. Defeat. He was serving under Commander Shepard, the woman who could make the impossible happen. But the Reapers and the Illusive man both seemed to have the upper hand.

"James. I need you at your best."

He clenched his hands into fists. "Don't worry. I'm gonna make those Reapers pay. For everything they've done." He would die for it. Whatever it took to bring them down.

"That's more like it." She turned to go, and James saw the burns on the back of her neck, but none of the things he'd wanted to say before came out as she walked away.


	6. Chapter 6

James' side bothered him less than the thoughts he'd been chasing around as he tried to sleep. He was exhausted, but not enough. There were a lot of reasons he wanted to talk to Shepard, the main one being that they were going to Earth, and who knew if he would get the chance again. The abrupt way she'd left made him desperate to talk to her, especially as he knew it was partly his fault for not attempting a conversation. His regret at that had built from the second she had left. He knew she needed her sleep too, though, and the last thing he should be doing is showing up at her cabin at such a crucial time. So he sighed, and frowned, and sleep seemed light years away.

Well, at least his nightmares had competition.

His hands clenched and unclenched but his body wouldn't relax, so eventually he started up his omni-tool and stared at it for a moment before deciding. If Shepard had set her omni-tool to sleep mode then a message wouldn't disturb her. However, if she was awake...

[Hey Shep,]

James stared at it for a few moments. What was he going to say? _I can't stop thinking about you._

[Hey Shep, how's your back?]

He backspaced.

[Hey Shep, you awake?] >

There. To the point. He'd kill time figuring out the rest if he got a reply. He sighed and got up, rubbing his neck. He couldn't get comfortable. The shuttle seats would be cosy enough and had seen him right on several naps, so he headed down and hoped Esteban hadn't stayed up fixing something. That man could sleep like a dead weight. James didn't know how he did it.

As he opened the door to the shuttle, he felt the short buzz of a notification.

> [Yeah. What's up?]

James sank down in the pilot seat and closed his eyes. Remembered the way she'd put herself in danger to protect him. Maybe asking how she was feeling wasn't such a bad idea. Just seemed like a luxury that she might not even have time for.

[No more stops, like you said. You doing okay?] >

> [Nothing I'm concerned about. Why? Having trouble?]

[No. I'd be in the med bay for that. Just didn't get to talk much earlier. Wanted to check.] >

 

He stretched his legs out under the console and closed his eyes again. Knowing she was okay, after all she'd been though that day... he felt better. Maybe it was all he needed. To have a conversation, however short, as friends. As opposed to soldiers counting down to a battle with seriously messed up odds.

> [You want to talk now?]

"Yes," he sighed into the empty shuttle. Maybe it didn't need to be any more complicated than that. Hurtling toward Earth, and home was the feeling she sparked in his chest.

[Is there time?] >

Ridiculous question.

The _shunk_ of the shuttle door opening made him tense. _Who the hell-_

"I always have time for my favourite Lieutenant," Shepard said, walking through in leggings and a tee and dropping herself into the passenger seat.

James stared at her for a moment. Eventually, his brain managed to put words in order. "You're not supposed to play favourites. And how the hell did you get down here so fast?"

Shepard smiled. "I started walking at 'you awake'. I knew you wouldn't message me for nothing."

_Damn._

"You can turn that off now," she said, gesturing to his omni-tool.

He looked down at the bright glow and with a tiny flex of muscle it was gone. "...thanks."

"So, what's on your mind?"

He knew he couldn't bullshit his way out of this one. "I meant it when I said I was ready to fight. It's just... been a hard day. For both of us."

"It's about to get worse."

"Yeah."

"Is that what's worrying you?"

James shook his head. "I know that's what we do. Get patched up, go back out again. But you hurt yourself for my sake. I guess it bothers me."

"I'd do it again, James. We're comrades."

He had mixed feelings about that. "Still don't like seeing it. I mean- not that I'm telling you how to do your job. It's just after, knowing you're hurt. And I can't do anything."

Shepard was quiet. She didn't need armour or a uniform for her presence to dominate. She didn't even need to say anything at all. Her gaze was resting on the inert dashboard and it was as if the whole universe was waiting for her in silence instead of raging all around them.

"You care about me," she said.

It was an unquestionable fact. "Yeah, I do."

"No one else- uh, well. Liara comes up to check on me sometimes. But then she's always got an update on something. You've... become something that I've never really had before."

Those words gently coaxed James' heart into beating faster.

She looked over at him. "I appreciate it. You do more than you know."

"Not... too much? You know. Inappropriate."

Shepard shook her head. "You said you wanted to be there for me as a friend, and I couldn't have asked for a better one." She turned her body towards him and leaned against the back of the seat. "After Miranda died, I almost smashed the glass in my cabin. The Normandy's made of sturdy stuff, though. You helped me feel normal again."

"But your biotics - then, and after today - are they okay?"

"You mean am I going to bust them doing things I shouldn't?"

_Like forcing them to hold into a barrier, yeah._

She smiled at his look. "I haven't yet, and that's enough for me." Her omni-tool pinged and her smile faded slowly. "One hour. We should get some rest."

James reached for her hand as she stood to leave. "Hey... I... thanks."

"No. Thank you."

He squeezed her hand and she smiled again, returning the gesture before walking out.

Power nap it was. He was comfortable and warm and his unease had dwindled to nothing. His drive had found a better fuel than anger and loss. He had a purpose, and instead of trying to reconcile his service with his feelings for Shepard, it seemed both sides had a place in this. Whatever it was between them had permission to just be. One of a million things the Reapers were threatening to take away, had already taken away. James had never burned more brightly and he would follow Shepard into whatever hell they could think up. Whatever it was, whatever all those horrors were for, it was going to end. Even if he had to go down with them.

 

When he woke, he found a single message on his omni-tool.

> [PS. Hey Vega, you're on my team.]

He smiled. It was time.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity now has an [8tracks playlist](http://8tracks.com/fragilespark/gravity). Enjoy!

James heard Hackett's speech from the shuttle bay speakers. He wished it was Shepard speaking. She was the one who had made the connections with everyone, who had debated and shook hands and fought side by side with leaders and troops. Her voice would carry. Shepard had the fight that she had brought to their own battlefields and would turn it into a rally. Instead, it was condensed into her command to fire. The fleets engaged around them and the Normandy descended.

Earth.

It was dark, but the light of fires and the Reaper beam provided a cold contrast in the grim view. London stank of scorched dust and James tasted metal on his tongue. Each recoil of his shotgun sent punch after punch into his arm and chest. It was never ending. Shepard didn't say much beyond her yelled commands. Too busy trying to push forward. Steve's voice sounded on the comm and the shuttle screamed over them to crash ahead, upping the adrenaline and stress even further. It barely abated even after he knew Steve had made it. James had to be prepared for loss, but he refused to accept it would happen like this.

Shepard used the heavy weapon to take down another Reaper, but it was the relentless ground troops massing on them that caused the real problem. James reloaded when he could but he ran out of shots helping take down a Banshee. He thought of ducking back and grabbing a gun from a dead soldier but knew that splitting the squad was an extremely risky move - not just for him, but for those he was failing to protect. However, through the gnarled roar of the next wave of enemies emerged the reassuring sound of a shuttle approaching. Not the Normandy's, but that didn't matter. It was a welcome sight. It hovered at a safe distance, and EDI and Shepard jumped in. James was right behind them. His foot slammed into the ground to drive his leap into the small space and Shepard grabbed him, pulling him safe. Their eyes met for a brief second, then her attention flicked to the side.

_Anderson._

James turned and saluted. All those times he'd heard that Anderson had been in touch and was still fighting were nothing to seeing him again. Not just the best of the Alliance but a personal hero. He was the one who had given James purpose after he'd gone AWOL. He was the one who had defended Shepard, believed in her. And he was the leader doing what needed to be done while the politics played out among the stars. With him, Earth wasn't lost. The chaos of their landing finally met with the hope of organised resistance to match the co-ordinated attack raging above them.

"Too bad it took the Reapers to bring them together."

" _Shepard_ united them." James was going to champion that particular point.

A smile quirked the edge of Shepard's lips and his heart was comforted by the sight.

 

Anderson took them to the Forward Operating Base and introduced James to some of the soldiers who would be serving with the Normandy team during the operation. They all saluted when Shepard approached and James walked with her to a quiet place out of earshot.

"Hey." She said.

"Hey." That night on the town seemed so far away. "Wherever you're going, I'm going." He had to say it. Get it out there.

Shepard stopped and turned to him. "James."

"Yeah." His voice was soft, barely making a sound.

"We're going to hell."

"I know." And that was the point. He wasn't meant to be anywhere but by her side. "One more push. One last fight."

"Against the Reapers, at least." Then, more softly, "and maybe the universe can give us a break."

That was a vulnerability he wasn't used to on the battlefield. _We'll end this or die trying. No matter what._ But Shepard didn't say that. He took that as a sign of her trust. "Shepard."

"Yeah."

"It's been an honour, Commander." He saluted. It was only a formality compared to how he felt, but it was about time she knew just how much she meant to him.

She returned the gesture. "Likewise, Lieutenant." She paused. "Joker said the same thing. Everything we've faced, and somehow everyone chooses this time to say goodbye."

"That beam could vaporise us, you know." James knew it was an awful thought. "Straight up, like... the collector tubes."

"You mean they're drawing us in with a beacon."

"With false hope."

She stepped closer. "Not giving up, are you, Vega?"

He looked down and caught a glance at the N7 logo on her chest. But it was her eyes that made him want to make her proud. "No. Never."

"It's okay to be afraid. And to hate the fact the cost of this war will just keep on rising. Maybe you and I won't make it, but-"

That did it. He pulled Shepard close. Not his most professional moment but he didn't care. They might not make it. So he held her in his arms.

"James..." she accepted the embrace after a moment and then smiled. "I feel like you've been trying to hold onto me ever since that day the gravity failed."

James didn't know why, but the right words didn't come. "Something like that."

"We'll do this together. All of us."

"Yeah." He pulled away. It wasn't just him and Shepard against the world.

"I've got to check in with the rest of the squad. Everyone should have landed by now."

The slight breeze that kicked up the dust and debris came between them and he knew they had to pick up the pace again. There was no more time for moments like this until the Reapers were obliterated.

"You're a hell of a soldier, Vega. Remember that."

"Yes, ma'am."

That earned him a grin. "Leave some for me."

And she was gone, striding off, her every step bringing them closer to the end.


	8. Chapter 8

James made his way through the base, knowing that Shepard was bound to summon them soon. Liara and Garrus joined him. He felt the slightest buzz in his arm that alerted him to the message coming through and he led them into the control room.

Standing together in front of Shepard when she gave her speech - that was what he'd been waiting for. The chills down his spine. The calling to a higher purpose.

As they headed to the battlefield Shepard told James that she'd spoken to Cortez. The fact he was fine was a small comfort that helped bolster him for a while. The mess and chaos of plunging themselves back into the fray only got worse, fight after fight. His body entered a sustained survival mode that he had to grit through. Muscles exhausted, mind losing focus beyond what was in front of him. It was enough to deal with. Just protect Shepard and let her missile the last Reaper in their way.

"Can't think of anyone else I'd rather do this with." She said, smiling.

Except it wasn't the last.

He exited the transport vehicle and looked up as a colossal beast of a Reaper descended, dwarfing the tallest buildings of the city. Its landing tremored the earth under his feet, shaking his entire body. Its lights, like eyes, reminded him of the Collectors. It could only be Harbinger.

"Come on!"

Then his thoughts were a blur. Shepard led and he followed, breaking into a run behind her. Chaos surrounded them as Harbinger picked off almost every target on the way to the beam. He could barely hear through the sound of destruction, lasers following explosions following lasers like an echo. He noted the hit to a Mako ahead of him that sent it flying, then saw Shepard was in the direct path of its landing. His heart went to his throat as it struck the ground near her and flipped upwards once again, and in his relief he failed to realise he was in its path until the last moment. He skidded to a stop and tried to reverse his momentum but it landed close, too close, and the blast hit him.

 

The ground was hard against his arms and knees and when he tried to breathe it felt like he was being split open. Shallow gasps, over and over through the pain, were the only thing he could do. He tasted blood and metal and burning. He saw nothing, heard nothing except the high-pitched flatline in his head.

_-a-_

Shallow gasps.

_Ja-_

Metal. Blood.

_Jame-_

Muffled.

_James._

A voice. His name.

"James!"

An arm went around him and if he could breathe he would have yelled. The roar of fire came through with the voice, and the rest of the battlefield seeped back into his senses. He looked up, disoriented, unable to focus on the person holding him. There was something wet on his skin. He was bleeding. Then his mind discovered the pieces he needed. Shepard. The Mako. The beam. The run.

_Get up._

Hands were pulling him, as if it had been their idea, not his. The familiar cold of Medi-gel spread over his wounds.

"Normandy! I need an evac, now!"

_Shepard._

The arms - _her_ arms - helped him stand again as the Normandy descended onto the battlefield.

"Come on."

_Wait. The beam. The run._

He could barely drag his feet, but he started to focus, to think.

"Take him."

 _No. Not leaving._ But the words didn't make it out before she let him go. Her arms were replaced by EDI's sturdy frame, and he turned around. "Shepard..." It was hard not to choke on the words, but he was a soldier. He had to carry on. No matter what. "I can still fight."

She shook her head, looking up at him. "You're getting out of this alive, James."

"Bullshit. I belong with you!"

The Normandy moved off the ground and it was just like the Zero-G again, only he was the one reaching out for her in panic as he was lifted away from her.

"Go!"

The shuttle bay door rose between them and the last thing he saw was her silhouette as she turned to run.

"Don't- don't leave her. EDI, we can't! Joker!"

EDI urged him away from the door. "Lieutenant, you are injured. I am taking you to the Med Bay."

"She's alone!" This wasn't happening. He could have made it. His adrenaline was spiking, but it wasn't enough to do anything about the situation, and he staggered towards the lift with EDI, collapsing once inside.

 

James woke up in the Med Bay, which meant he'd blacked out. Dr. Chakwas was securing a bandage around his bare midsection, and he could feel the tautness of other bandages elsewhere on his body. "...shit."

"Welcome back, Lieutenant."

"What happened? What-"

Chakwas put her hand firmly on his chest as he tried to sit up. It fucking hurt. "Rest."

"But- Shepard..." Her name spilled out. It was the only thing that mattered. "How long have I been out?"

"Not long. Under an hour."

"Is she okay? What's happening?"

"I only know what's happening in this Med Bay - and right now, that's you. My patient."

"Can't you find out?" He could feel himself get short of breath again. "EDI?" The dull pain in his ribs was a reminder for him to calm down but it would be hard to rest until he had the answers he needed. The ones he wanted. That she was fine. That the Reapers were dealt with. "EDI?"

He was in a cage, isolated from the fight. Uneasy didn't even begin to cover it.

"I think something's happened to the comms," Chakwas said, walking to her desk. She pressed a few buttons on her intercom. "Samantha? Are you there?"

James lifted an aching arm and rested his palm on his stomach. He didn't feel good. But even if the only thing he'd managed out there if he stayed was to give the Reapers something to shoot at instead of Shepard, it would have been enough. Not here. Useless.

_Can't think of anyone else I'd rather do this with._

Tears pricked at his eyes.

Traynor's breathless voice came through the small speaker. "Doctor?"

"Do you have an update on what's happening?"

"I'm- We're trying to restore EDI. She's had some kind of malfunction. We're trying to get to the back up. The Crucible fired and we went to FTL. But I saw a message that-" There were a few moments of silence. "Yes, I think that-" There were a few indistinguishable words, "inactive. Inactive Reapers. I have to go."

"Wait!" James could barely breathe, let alone speak, but he forced himself to anyway. "Did Shepard check in? Traynor! Did-" he coughed and couldn't continue.

"Vega? No, we haven't heard from her. Yet. I'll let you know. Traynor out."

Chakwas turned to him slowly. "I think she's done it."

"But... Doc... She's still out there. We need to get her."

"I'm sure they're doing everything they can."

James clutched the thin sheet. "Traynor said we went to FTL! We have to go back! What the _fuck_ are we doing at FTL?"

"Breathe, Lieutenant."

Leaving Earth in the Normandy for the second time was even more painful than the first.

_Turn around. Please._


	9. Chapter 9

James woke up, and a few moments later remembered what had happened and what his most pressing concern was. Shepard. He sat up and felt the stabbing pain of his injuries, but he'd cope. Chakwas wasn't around to tell him he couldn't. He kept picturing Shepard's face when they parted, and the thought that she still could be out there needing support gave him the momentum to push through the pain and stand. If Shepard was in a worse state, he had to know. He had to help.

After pulling on his shirt he made his way to the elevator and punched the button for the CIC, letting out a small groan as it lurched up. Strange that EDI hadn't told him off for being up, but Traynor had said something about a malfunction. He walked up behind her with a rough "Hey."

"Hey. Are you all right?"

That wasn't important. "What's happening?"

"We're docked with Admiral Hackett's ship again."

"Where?" He knew he'd been out a while. Surely they'd had time to get back to Earth, or the Citadel. Same thing right now.

"Past the Sol relay. Which has been destroyed."

"Shit. And Shepard?"

Traynor shook her head, gaze down. "They're figuring out what to do next."

"What to do? _Find her_ , get her the hell out of wherever she is, that's what we do. What are we doing here?" He gasped the last words and held his side with a grimace. "Dammit, she's not gonna be out here, what the _fuck_ -"

"You should probably sit down."

James limped off towards the cockpit, shaking his head. "Not gonna happen." His frustration was like a power source that drove him forward. Since when did the Normandy crew not make Shepard a priority? Hell, he'd grab Cortez and a shuttle himself if they weren't so far from Earth. And the Alliance? Shepard wasn't expendable. She wasn't a weapon. She was a person, one they'd abandoned to save themselves.

 

Joker turned in his seat at James' footsteps, looking disappointed a moment afterwards.

James could sympathise. "Sorry. Not Shepard."

"Actually..." Joker sighed. "Either one will do. I mean, not either one, but- both would be good."

 _Both?_ "Sorry, I don't-" He noticed the empty seat beside Joker's.

"EDI. Shit, you've been out. Yeah, there's something wrong. Liara's got her in the AI Core, trying to get a backup going. Not that she needs to," he waved a hand, "since she's the ship, but... But Shepard... nothing yet." Another sigh. "I just want to get moving."

"You and me both. I don't know why we're not rescuing first and talking later. Unless they've got Anderson dealing with that."

"Haven't heard from him either. If they know what's going on, they're not sharing it."

That was worse than not knowing. James' fists clenched. "Who's with Hackett?"

"Kaidan. Garrus. Tali?" Joker shifted in his seat. "Don't know. I was dealing with... here."

"Traynor said something about the relay, too?"

"Yeah. Relays, plural. Apparently the entire network's been blasted by the Crucible."

And Shepard was at the trigger end. They knew it was going to be powerful. They knew it was going to produce a hell of a lot of energy. They had a plan to get themselves to safety but not one to get back after it was done. And that wasn't acceptable. "I gotta find out what they're doing."

 

Chakwas was there when he turned around. "I thought I might find you here."

"Sorry Doc. I had to. Anything from Shepard?" He couldn't help but hope. Every person he came across was a potential source of information.

"I'm afraid not. Let's get you back to the medbay so I can check you over and sign you off."

"I'm standing, Doc." He gestured towards the airlock exit. "And I'm going to get answers."

"Lieutenant." Chakwas shook her head. "You don't have clearance, or permission."

They could be the same thing as far as James was concerned. They didn't matter. "I'm not going to just _wait_." He didn't want to take his anger out on her, but the slight growl in his voice gave it away. That and the pain. It was good to remember it, though. He wouldn't rest until Shepard was safe. He'd run and run until his body fell apart.

"We're all worried about her. Just be patient. Hackett must be coordinating her recovery from here."

Recovery sounded like they were expecting a body. "Rescue, you mean. You've patched up enough people after explosions to know time is everything."

"As with many injuries, yes." She gestured towards him. "At least let me take care of yours."

James sighed. He wasn't getting anywhere. But he had to do something, no matter what it was. "Is Cortez on board?"

"Yes, he arrived on an Alliance shuttle after we extracted you."

"I've gotta go see him." He needed good news. He needed to see him well. And he needed a friend. James held up a hand as he walked past Chakwas.

 

The airlock hissed open and Garrus came through. James stopped.

"What news?" asked Joker.

"About Shepard? They're looking. Reapers are dead. So are the geth. All the fleets are stranded, comms are screwed everywhere... They had trouble getting through to the rescue team, but they've got a visual link now."

James budged his way past him onto the docking walkway. Garrus grabbed his arm.

"Turn left and keep going. It's a damn long ship."

"Thanks, Garrus."

 

James boarded the ship and wasn't detained, so he followed Garrus' instructions. He turned on his omnitool and it had obviously been affected by the Crucible explosion like everything else. It activated, but wasn't how he'd left it. As if it had been reformatted.

Shepard's messages were gone.

[Please tell me you're safe.] >

It might be futile, but he'd try anything. His heart felt like it was in his throat and he had to stop and lean against the corridor wall to focus and try to breathe. That was all he needed, to pass out on a strange ship and be left behind if the Normandy went back. But the despair sapped at his strength and emotions, leaving him raw. He let himself have a few moments to collect himself, but it was hard. He rubbed his eyes and took a deep breath before continuing his walk towards the control room.

 

One of the Alliance soldiers guarding the door waited with him while the other went in to check James was to be allowed in.

Kaidan emerged shortly afterwards. "James? What are you doing here?"

James was tired. "Don't interrogate me, Major. I just want to be part of this. I need to know she's gonna be all right."

Kaidan sighed. "We'd all like to know that." He tilted his head. "Come on in."

James hadn't thought as far ahead as meeting the Admiral, so his salute was hampered both by his condition and the way he was bandaged. He sat between Tali and Kaidan and their attention was soon on the images that were projected onto the screen. The sound was grainy and the vid stream froze and stuttered, but it looked like a headcam feed from one of the team that had reached the Citadel.

Tali received a call from Admiral Raan and left the room. James realised that, despite everything, he was now just waiting after all. However, being near a source of information was more comforting than being kept in the dark. Any moment they could find her, and he'd know, the second it happened. They could go straight to meet the team, and he'd be there.

Kaidan kept his voice very low. "Any news about EDI?"

James shook his head. It was strange to be the one asked for information.

A garbled exclamation came from the rescue team and the screen started to shake as they ran, which made it impossible to see anything in the frame.

"Repeat, Lieutenant." Hackett said, standing up.

"-re's someone-"

The image stilled enough for them to see a person on the ground.

The voice came through, crystal clear, just as the person was recognisable. "It's Admiral Anderson, sir. He's dead."

The shock and grief cut through James and he just stared, agape. _No. Not Anderson. Fuck._

"Wait, there's someone else!"

James could barely breathe, could barely remember there was anyone else in the room.

There was static again. "-man, in--suit."

James gripped the arms of the chair and half-stood.

"Who is it?" Hackett said.

The body came into view, and James recognised him. "That's... that's the Illusive Man."


	10. Chapter 10

"Are you sure?" Admiral Hackett said, turning to James.

"Yes, Sir." It was only then James realised he was the only person in the room who had ever seen the Illusive Man. "It's him, Sir." It was good to see him dead. He had wished it for so long, for Shepard's sake as well as his own. However, the shock of seeing Anderson dead too hadn't quite worn off yet. It looked like they had shot each other. Or, if Shepard had killed the Illusive Man, which was likely, she couldn't be far.

"Send a squad to retrieve the bodies," Hackett ordered his team. "Keep looking."

The rescue team searched the whole circular area, which James found out was near the base of the Citadel.

"We've found a blood trail!" The soldier with the headcam followed it at a run, along with his squadmates.

James heart raced horribly again, and he felt sick with apprehension. The run was long as they crossed a large metal structure. That meant a lot of blood. The image went dark.

"Oh, _god_."

"What - What is it?" Hackett said.

Even one second of silence tore James apart.

"It's... bodies. Lots of bodies."

"Shit," another soldier said.

"Search them."

 

Tali entered the room, and James didn't know whether to be grateful for the distraction. If he was on a knife edge any longer, he didn't know what he'd do.

"What news?" said Hackett.

"The fleet has been considering the damage to the relays. They are prepared to escort the turian fleet back to Palaven and its colonies, as we already have provision for food on our liveships. It will be a longer journey without the relays, but working together with the Primarch benefits us both in the short term."

"And the geth?"

"Still nothing. I suspect the Reaper upgrades marked them as targets for the Crucible, and it's possibly why EDI's been affected, but I don't know for sure."

"Thank you, Admiral Zorah. Will you be leaving with them?"

Rannoch would be a long way for any stranded quarian. She hesitated. "No. I'm staying."

 

The rescue team had found no life in the darkened corridor except for a keeper. It was a dead end.

"Go back to the shuttle. See what else you can see from the air."

James' muscles had jerked on instinct at the first part of the order, which could have been a retreat. He was glad he didn't have to challenge that. It could be a long search, of course. It could be hours. Or days. But being so close now, seeing where Shepard had to have been, just made him wish for an end to the uncertainty.

 

Once they were on the shuttle, the visual helped little. James could barely make out the control panel, let alone the images displayed on it. Apparently it was not sufficient for the rescue team either, as they opened the shuttle doors to survey the debris with their own eyes. Much of it was floating.

Hackett received a report on another matter and Kaidan leaned over to James. "The damage to the Citadel has slowed its rotation, so it's got less of a gravity pull now. There are squadrons checking the Wards and a lot of races are evacuating their people from the Presidium. Don't know if they can get it back to normal, but I doubt anyone has the capacity to evacuate the whole Citadel."

James could now see they were where the Citadel and Crucible met. The debris from both showed how much damage the Crucible firing had caused. In the distance, the massive form of a dead Reaper drifted in space.

" _There!_ " James shouted before he was aware he'd commanded his voice. She was there. She was there, suspended among the rubble. It was only a distorted figure on screen but he _knew_ it was her.

"Copy that," said the headcam soldier, who had seen the same thing.

James' chest was heaving. He was standing, body alert, almost shaking.

"Can you get close?" Hackett said.

_Please be alive. Please be alive._

"We'll have to-" The sound cut to static.

"Repeat."

The shuttle moved to land again.

"Come in, Lieutenant."

"-to--mag boots. Can't get a wire-"

The image flickered badly.

Hackett sighed. Kaidan put a hand on James' shoulder, and he released a little of the tension that had him frozen in place. Only a little. The soldiers' walk was not as slow as it would have been in zero G, but it was still pushing the limit of what James could cope with. He couldn't see. The odd frame lingered on screen, and then it finally showed them Shepard: barely recognisable, armour scorched and broken, wrecked with blood.

"Keelah!"

They couldn't see what happened next, only the sound came through in pieces.

"Shepard--Sir--alive."

James could have collapsed. He pressed his face in his hands.

"Thank god," murmured Kaidan.

"Get her some medical attention," said Hackett. "Let's make sure she stays that way."

James looked up. "We're going back, right?"

Hackett looked over at him.

"We're going! To get her, right?" James was incredulous. They'd found her. What were they _doing?_.

"Major."

Kaidan dragged James outside. "What the hell are you doing?"

"Is he just going to sit there and not go to her?"

"Shepard's not the only thing that matters-"

James shoved Kaidan into the wall with a grunt.

"Vega! Stand down!"

The two guards in the corridor moved closer, hands on their weapons.

"Dammit..." James let him go, close to tears. _Fuck that. She's the only thing that matters._

"The Normandy's an Alliance ship. We await Hackett's command."

James walked off without a word, breaking into a run as soon as he knew he wasn't going to pass out.

 

"They found her," James said to the crew as he passed, but wouldn't stop for conversation. He went straight down to deck five where a grunt like him belonged.

"There you are," said Cortez. "Hey... what's wrong. Is it- Did they find the Commander?"

James nodded.

"Is she...?"

"Alive," he managed, his voice rough.

"You look like hell."

"Been through it." James gave in and finally sighed out the emotion he'd been holding. "Sorry. I just... fuck." He rubbed his face.

"Hey, it's okay." Cortez went to him and put his hand on his arm. James pulled him into a hug. "Wow. Hey. It's okay, James."

James just breathed, eyes closed. "I'm glad you're here, Esteban. I'm glad you made it out okay."

"Same here." When James opened his eyes, Cortez gave him a reassuring smile. "Are you okay?"

"I'm gonna... I'm gonna take a nap. And tell the Doc I'll see her when I'm done. Not Liara. Chakwas."

Cortez nodded. "Sure thing. Make sure you get some food in you at some point. You need to look after yourself, okay?"

James went to the shuttle and crawled into the seat. He was too exhausted to even contemplate what he could do with a shuttle except sleep in it. So he closed his eyes, curled up, and prayed they'd done enough.


	11. Chapter 11

For all James' protesting that they hadn't gone back to Earth, within the day there was news of Shepard having been safely transferred to Hackett's own med bay. James kept quiet about that. A lot of the Normandy crew were clamouring for news and to get access onto the ship to see her. James kept quiet about that too. There was a lot of armour to repair. If he didn't leave the shuttle bay, if he didn't ask, then he couldn't be disappointed again. He couldn't be a disappointment to anyone.

The will to go, the thought that he should try anyway, was in the back of his head like the hum at his workstation. He ignored it. _That screw's not small enough. Since when do we run out of that size?_ Every time he checked the time, it had shifted reassuringly. _This one's gonna need a new plate. It's bent as hell._ He just had to keep doing that and the time would pass. The feelings would pass.

"Hey, Mr. Vega! I heard Alenko went to see the Commander. Looks like they're letting some visitors through. You'd better get in there."

"Is she awake?" It wasn't loud enough for Cortez to hear the first time, so he clenched his fists and repeated the question.

"No, not yet. But you should be there."

_Breathe, Vega. Breathe. Don't fuck it all up again._

But James couldn't think of a single reason why he should force himself to stand at the bench any longer, when he was being pulled away. To her. His blood screamed for it. The relief of giving up, of walking towards the elevator, flooded him with the instinct that he was doing the right thing. For him. For her. Let them lock him up for it.

 

"Access denied, Lieutenant."

There were soldiers at the end of the docking tube this time. He might have been able to swindle one, but this shit was official. No one was getting to Shepard without Hackett's consent. And James had pretty much blown that.

"Lieutenant," said Chakwas' voice behind him, "go back to the med bay and wait for me."

That was just cruel. He didn't expect to have to contend with Chakwas, too. She could at least- But no, no. Why should he get special treatment? Because he was in love with Commander Shepard? Even if he admitted it, nobody would care. He took slow paces back to the Normandy, telling himself it was just stalling. Eventually, he'd find a way in. He just had to be patient, and not mess his chances up further by arguing with people.

In the solitude of the med bay, he let the rush of anger possess him while nobody saw him. " _Mierda!_ " He shouted, kicking a metal bin straight into the door of the AI Core, with a force that made a dent in one and left a mark on the other.

The door opened as the bin clanged to the floor, and he saw EDI's body beyond, wired up to the servers. The backup hadn't worked yet, then. The sympathy he felt for Joker softened his rage a little, and when Chakwas entered the med bay behind him, he could turn to face her.

"Try not to destroy my workspace, Lieutenant."

"Sorry." James went to pick it up, though he could do nothing about its new shape.

"You'll have to behave yourself if you're going to see Shepard."

James sighed. "It's not gonna happen, doc. They're not gonna put me on the visitor list after yesterday, no matter what I do to make up for it."

"Who said anything about visiting her? I don't remember signing you off."

James hung his head. Chakwas _laughed_.

"You still don't get it, do you? With my expertise, Admiral Hackett has asked me to lead Shepard's care. You're coming with me. As my patient."

It took three seconds for that to sink in. When it did, James could have thrown his arms around her. "You're- _Seriously_?"

"I'm allowed to transfer patients across Alliance ships. You are my responsibility. So stay on my good side."

"Yes, ma'am!" James said, saluting.

Chakwas smiled. "I can see your shoulder is still a bit stiff. You don't even have to pretend. Just give me a moment to get my things together."

 

Hackett's Cruiser, the SSV Paris, had several med bays; fortunately Chakwas already knew where Shepard was. After the slightly awkward walk past the same soldiers that had denied James access, he and Chakwas headed to the elevator, and James' body trembled on and off with nerves all the way down. He was elated and terrified and grateful all at once. He wasn't sure when he'd fallen so hard to be so affected, but Shepard wasn't just his Commander, his crush, or his friend. She was the most important person in the universe - _his_ universe - and he couldn't stop caring about her.

There was no fuss with the guards or the medical staff, who weren't even aware of his earlier displays. Chakwas was given a datapad with Shepard's vitals, and the two of them were ushered through to the partitioned area at the back of the room.

Shepard was there, silence punctuated by beeps and the hiss of the life support. The parts of her that weren't bandaged were bruised and burnt. Her hair was splayed on the pillow, and she was wired, like EDI had been, with tubes and straps and things that James didn't even know what they were for.

A hand on James' arm made him jump, and Chakwas sat him into the chair she'd placed behind him. She patted his arm and then led the other team member out beyond the curtain, leaving James alone with Shepard.

 

He stared for a while, taking it in. Shepard wasn't fragile. She wasn't. Yet the rythmic hiss of her breathing was like a door that was endlessly opening and closing into an empty room. There wasn't a part of her body that didn't look wrecked. James leaned forward, placing his hand over the curl of her fingers. He couldn't even hold her hand, not yet, for fear of damaging her somehow, but it was the cold touch of her skin that threatened to break James completely.

Then he remembered why he was there.

James Vega wasn't there to cry about how lost he was without her. He was there to go through hell by her side.

"Shepard," he whispered, swallowing down the tears. He was hers - his body, his blood, his warmth, all of it. "I'm here. I got you."


	12. Chapter 12

"Chakwas told me you were in here."

James turned and stood, saluting. "Major."

"Vega." Kaidan clasped his hands behind his back. "How is she doing?"

Kaidan could access the latest information about Shepard in a number of ways, so it wasn't a medical analysis he was after. She'd survived this far. "Strong. She'll make it."

"Good." When James said nothing further, he continued. "There's been a lot of discussion, some of it about you, so I thought I'd better tell you in person."

He hadn't already thrown James out of the room, so that was a good sign at least, but James was still apprehensive. He hadn't really thought much about what would happen once he'd made it to Shepard's side.

"Hackett has appointed me as Acting Commanding Officer of the Normandy until Shepard recovers."

James nodded after a moment. "That makes sense."

"Doctor Michel has been recruited to the Normandy while Chakwas is here." Kaidan shifted the weight on his feet. "I meant what I said, about how Hackett's got an entire fleet to organise. A thousand things on his mind."

James couldn't argue with that. "Yeah. I know."

"We all care about Shepard, James. We all want to look out for her." Kaidan sighed and walked over to the bed. "She's had it rough. But she's in good hands." He turned to James. "Which brings me to you."

_Shit. I'm in trouble._

"Doctor Chakwas had an idea about how you could help. She suggested you act as Shepard's guard again."

"Really?" Anderson had given him that assignment. That he was gone still hurt. "What do you think?"

"Obviously you've got the experience, though not in this particular situation." Kaidan's tone turned soft. "She said that you're Shepard's protector. That doesn't mean you always know what's right, but I can see why she says that. You care."

"Yeah. I do. But... what does this mean? For me." Was this secretly a demotion? That they thought he'd be too reckless in the field?

"You tell me. It's just an idea. I'm the one who'll have to put it to Hackett. Nobody expects you to sit by her bedside all day."

Even James knew that would be impractical. He looked over at Shepard. It was strange having a conversation while she was there, unconscious. He didn't know how long it would take her to wake up, but he was resigned to it being days. Possibly weeks. "I want to do it."

Kaidan pulled up a chair. "You'd be transferred to the SSV Paris, if only temporarily. I'm not keeping the Normandy docked, though we'll probably come back as soon as she's awake. You sure?"

Leaving the Normandy. That was pretty huge; it was his home now that he was part of the crew. And his armoury duties, among others, would have to pass to someone else. Probably Esteban. James had always been up for the field missions, so they'd be one down, though hopefully no more Cerberus or Reaper forces. Still, there was a fuckton to do.

Maybe Shepard would want him to serve the Normandy, not her.

"You have to help me out here, James."

He looked over at Shepard. Why was he second guessing himself? He was exactly where he needed to be. And he knew what Shepard wanted for him. "Tell Hackett I'll start prepping for N7. There's a hell of a lot to study. When the Doc signs me off, I'll get to the gym. And I'll serve the ship. I'll patrol, I'll scrub the fucking floors, anything. But I'm staying with Shepard."

"Understood." A pause. "Well, I better go." Kaidan got to his feet. "Watch over her, okay? But don't forget yourself."

"Major... Commander. good luck with the Normandy. And thanks."

"I'll let you know the outcome. Until then... you're in Doctor Chakwas' hands."

 

After Kaidan left, James stood up and stretched. Voices were supposed to reach an unconscious patient, right? He couldn't see a change in any of Shepard's vitals, though he only knew the basics. He shifted his chair closer to the bed and sat down again. _Worth a shot._

"Hey, Shep. Hear that? I get to watch over you again. Though... I don't think anyone expects you to break out this time. If you do, though, I'm with you." His hand found hers again, fingers closing more surely this time. "You're gonna be okay, Shepard. You're gonna heal."

There was a lot of healing to do. The way her face was bandaged, there would be scars on scars. But James was comforted by the fact he and Shepard were made of the same stuff. It would take longer, but ultimately, her body would overcome this.

 

James eventually received a message from Kaidan, confirming his temporary post under Chakwas and that she would let him know the details. He mentally thanked Hackett. Maybe he overlooked James' outburst now, and considered the better parts of James' record, and trusted the officers that were recommending him.

When Chakwas arrived, she folded her arms before she spoke, which made James feel like he was in trouble. He'd been feeling that a lot lately. "You're going to be busy, Lieutenant. Most of your time on duty you'll report to the XO for your guard shift and other work on the ship, though I get the final say - you also need to see her to be assigned your quarters. The rest will be with me, working as a medical assistant. You _won't_ be treating Shepard, but we have other injured soldiers who need less critical care." She paused. "I know long term care is not required for N7, and you won't see much alien biology on an Alliance ship, but you'll get a grounding on some of the basics you don't know already."

While the N7 program was self contained and would cover everything he needed to know about frontline first aid, it was accepted knowledge that the more you prepared for all the different subjects, the better chance you had to recall the right information in the heat of the moment. And it wouldn't hurt to have some extra knowledge that would help him for the rest of his career.

It also meant he wouldn't be far from Shepard.

"Thanks, Doc. Where's the XO office?"

"Back on deck two."

"I better do that first." He glanced at Shepard then headed out. Leaving made him nervous, but he'd have to get used to it.

[Esteban, I'm staying, grab my stuff an meet at docking tubr.] >

Rushed, but it would do. His message would get across.

 

They met at the Normandy airlock and Cortez handed him a duffel bag.

"Good luck, Vega."

Traynor appeared not long after Cortez. "Hey. Take this too." She handed James a small device. "Since we lost a lot of information from our omnitools, I thought you might like the music we saved to the Normandy. Maybe the Commander... Well, just... play it to her."

James smiled. "Thanks, Traynor. Both of you." His smile faded a bit. "I'll see you soon."

Joker's voice sounded on the speakers. "We move in five."

"Is he gonna be okay without the Doc?"

"Hopefully it won't be long." Cortez said. "We must be getting someone else in the meantime."

"Yeah, so I heard." He sighed. "Look after each other, okay?"

"Same to you."

James nodded and turned back. "See ya."

The guards gave his bag a security scan and James walked down the corridor to the nearest window, waiting until the two ships detached. The Normandy was a beautiful ship and James got a lump in his throat as her engines started, watching her graceful flight until she was lost to the stars.


	13. Chapter 13

The Alliance treadmills were made for guys like him. James let his full weight slam into every stride as he ran, his muscles working and his blood pumping. The machine monitored every change in movement, anticipating the correct speed required and letting him focus on his body alone. He'd done endurance runs before, so he kept his breathing steady, but it dragged deep from his lungs. All he'd had lately was the short sharpness of battle and urgency, of fear and grief. It was time to let it go. So he ran, forward, forward to the blank of the wall, through the ache and his ragged panting, feeling only what he was.

When he was done, he slowed to a walk to cool down, his body drenched with sweat but feeling cleaner, somehow. Purged. He made his way to the showers and peeled off his tee and shorts, letting them slap on the floor before getting under the spray. Hot first. He scrubbed his wet hair as the water hammered his back and shoulders and he sighed, rolling out the tension. He turned around, the water flowing down his chest and running down to his sore thighs. He grabbed a squirt of gel and palmed himself all over, considering a wank before deciding against it in a public shower. It wouldn't be the first time, but he didn't feel like getting caught. So he dunked his head one final time then turned it cool for a few seconds and then off.

He grabbed a towel and dried himself all over, tired but feeling like he'd done something worthwhile. He scanned the piles of clean fatigues for something his size and dumped his sweaty gear in the laundry. Once dressed, he stretched and headed to the mess hall.

 

"I thought you'd be back before now," Chakwas said when he appeared in the med bay.

"Can't sit here all day," he said reluctantly, echoing Kaidan's words. "Shepard okay?"

Chakwas nodded. "She's stable."

James went through and claimed the chair, resting his elbows on the bed and allowing himself to let down his guard. "Hey Shep. Wanna hear about my day?" He studied her profile under the breathing mask and the gentle opacity puffed by her even breath. She was getting stronger.

He noticed the small pile of medical reference books on the bedside unit. Chakwas must have put them there for him.

_Not yet._ James took Shepard's hand in his. "Just went for a run. Standing guard always makes me restless. Got to keep you safe, though. Patrolling was more fun. It's a big ship." He sat up straight a bit. "Spent the morning with the Doc. Uh, Doctor Chakwas. She doesn't trust me with a needle yet but I did get to fuck up changing a bandage." He chuckled at that, then sighed.

It was back to the quiet beeping and the sound of the team outside. James closed his eyes, aware of the touch between their hands and little else beyond the effects of his run.

After sitting in silence for a while, he continued. "I left Traynor's music in my locker. I'll bring it tomorrow, okay? Today it's just me." Now that the Normandy was gone, Shepard wasn't going to get that many visitors. Few people knew she was here and even fewer had access.

He swallowed as he watched her. This incredible, powerful woman, still his hero. Serving at her side had cured his 'what would Shepard do' mentality, because she was right there doing it, and he had his own role to play. He could make N7 his own, because _he_ was worthy to lead. Shepard had helped him see that.

 

James received regular messages to his omnitool, which he saved until he was off duty. Mostly from the Normandy crew, wanting updates on Shepard. He in turn was kept up to date with their travels.

The music was working well as a distraction, at least for him. He studied at Shepard's side in the evening shift, looking up every now and then to see how she was doing.

"Lieutenant Vega."

_Holy shit._ He jumped up and saluted. "Admiral."

"At ease." Hackett nodded at Shepard. "Chakwas tells me she's doing well."

"Yes, sir. She's off life support." James supposed Hackett already knew that, though.

"I'm taking the Paris to Earth, along with most of the fleet. The amount of recovery work will be monumental. I've begun arrangements for a memorial service. It's going to take some planning, but the people deserve it. Our soldiers deserve it. My hope is that Shepard will be well enough to participate."

"I hope she recovers soon, sir."

"Yes," Hackett said, "and she will be pleased to have a loyal member of her squad with her, I think."

James couldn't know how Shepard would feel after waking up, but if his presence was welcome, it was all he could ask. "I hope so. Thank you."

 

He was working the pull-up bar when another marine approached him.

"You've been going for ages. How do you not get tired?"

"Oh, I get tired," James said, his breathless voice proof of it, "I just keep at it."

"I can see that."

Having his physique checked out was not a new sensation. Sure, he was flattered. But really not interested. "Did you need something, or can I work out?"

The marine took the hint and shrugged. "Just curious."

It was too late. James had lost count. So much for his focus. _Might be time to call it a day._ After all, the stronger Shepard got, the more likely she was to wake up, and he didn't want to miss it. He dragged the towel over the back of his neck and washed his hands. The thought spurred him on back to the med bay.

Chakwas greeted him. "I heard from Doctor Michel. You might want to talk to Lieutenant Cortez when you get the chance."

"Esteban? What's wrong with him?"

"You know I can't tell you."

"Right." But she _had_ basically just told him something was up.

[S, you good?] >

He walked through to sit with Shepard while he waited for the answer. James rolled his neck and tried to get his calm back. His own shoulder was fine now. Not exactly 183, but nothing to make him think he couldn't if he tried.

> [I'm good. Just some lingering issues from the shunt in London.]

_Dammit._

[Take care of yourself, okay?] >

In the sterile environment, James noted that he should have changed his tshirt. His mood was plummeting. Cortez being okay was something that had propped him up during all this. Knowing he was hurt, James realised how much effort he'd been putting into ignoring his fears.

> [You worry about the Commander. We're alright here. Heard about the memorial. See you soon?]

There were fewer tubes on Shepard now. Someone had moved her hand onto her stomach since the last time he'd seen her, and her hair was arranged differently on the pillow. A couple of the smaller bandages were gone. She was not too fragile to be moved and cleaned up, then. That was good. James smiled at her sleeping form.

[You bet.] >

 

James didn't want to make it too late a night, so he closed his book with a sigh. He leaned forward and squeezed Shepard's hand in his, his habit. It was soft. Hand cream, probably. Must be Chakwas. "Sorry I didn't do much talking. Turian bone structures are... tricky." He stood. "See you in the morning."

Chakwas walked through. "Had enough for one day?"

James stretched. "Yeah. We'll be on the move soon, right? Did you hear when that's gonna be?"

"You'll know as soon as I do. If we rescue any stranded ships along the way, you might see some new patients."

James felt a prickle down the back of his neck, the tightness that came before a shiver. "Uh... sure." He turned to look at Shepard.

Faint, whisper soft. "James."

His whole body jolted as her lips moved. The shock was like electricity through his blood. " _Shepard_."

Her eyes opened slowly while his filled with tears. He collapsed into the chair and grabbed her hand, pressing it against his face, gasping against it. " _Dios_ Shepard yes, you're-" Awake, awake and okay. Everything was okay now.

Shepard took in a deep breath, eyes still half-lidded. But her hand closed around James' softly.

"I've been wanting to see you for _so long_ ," James let out in a sob, though it didn't make sense out loud. He'd been there all along. Chakwas was there but he barely registered what she was doing. He kissed Shepard's hand, feeling like he couldn't breathe enough to sustain his emotion.

"You pulled me out," Shepard slurred quietly. "I was drowning, you pulled me out."

James' tears rolled down over both their hands and his voice broke. "I've got you now, Shep. I promise. I promise."


	14. Chapter 14

James waited outside while Chakwas ran some tests on Shepard. It was only his immense respect for Chakwas and her job that let him agree to be separated from Shepard so soon after she'd woken up. It gave him a chance to get over the shock. He'd not expected Shepard to wake up already, but it was good news. Chakwas had told him to notify Hackett and no one else. He thought of all the things he wanted to say to Shepard, things he'd thought he'd be saying to her while she slept.

Chakwas came out. "Okay, you can see her. But she's tired, and you," she prodded the air in front of him with the end of her pen, "need to sleep."

James nodded. "Got it." He could be sensible.

 

He walked back through and had to smile on seeing Shepard's eyes on him. She smiled weakly back as he sat down.

"Hey, James." It was a whisper, but it was there, and the feeling of her saying his name again had not dulled.

"Hey," he said softly. "How are you feeling?"

A raspy inhale. "Like hell." She sounded so worn out. "But... glad you're here."

It took a bit for his words to come out. "Me too, Shep." He wasn't used to this kind of emotion filling his throat. But he was here with her, and all that fighting had paid off. All _her_ fighting had paid off. That was what all the scars she bore had been for.

The words hovered at the back of James' throat. _I was so scared I'd lose you. I would have done anything to save you. I almost got myself kicked out of the ship because..._

_Because I love you._

"We won." If nothing else, she had to know that.

Her gaze unfocused past him and she spent a few moments processing that. "The Reapers are dead?"

"Yeah. All of them, everywhere." James thought it best not to mention the fate of all the other synthetics, for now. The good news was enough.

Shepard closed her eyes. "I- I... need Hackett."

"He knows you're awake."

Her breath and words were laboured. "I need to speak to him."

"Shepard, you need to rest, not work. It can wait."

She managed to send a stern look his way, a reminder of her command. "No. It's... Anderson."

_Oh._ His grief had dulled slightly with time, but the event was still fresh for Shepard. "Yeah. We know. Found the Illusive Man, too."

Shepard frowned, and made no response, sinking back with her head turned away from him.

James felt like he'd taken a wrong turn in the conversation. He shouldn't have mentioned the Reapers. While Shepard always got back to work after death and near-death experiences, it was far too soon. She'd been awake less than an hour. James suspected the Cerberus implants might be sharpening her recovery, and had probably helped save her life, but he wished she could just be vulnerable and human for a while. Shepard had wanted to be more than a soldier, more than a weapon; James had witnessed that after Miranda.

He reached for her hand like it was the first time, tentatively, barely touching. "I'm sorry."

She closed her eyes, but her hand then turned ever so slightly upwards under his.

"Lieutenant," said Chakwas from the edge of the partition.

_Not yet. Please, not yet._ "Just five more minutes," he said, not looking up.

Her footsteps retreated, and he was grateful to her, but he wasn't going to push it.

"Shepard..." James curled his fingers closer around her palm and wondered if her hand remembered how often he'd held it. Skin on skin like this, it was rare. Usually there were gloves and gauntlets and fatigues and distance, too much distance in their way. But not now.

Her gaze flicked to him and she turned her head a little. "You were hurt."

The beam. Although it had hurt a lot more than his body in the end. "Yeah. Yeah, I was. Nothing the Doc couldn't fix. She signed me off, so I'm back on duty now." _Don't leave it there._ "I was..." he swallowed. "I was scared for you."

Shepard's hand tightened around his a little. "We're both here."

"Yeah." James let out a rush of air. "That makes me happy. Real happy."

She smiled at him. "Me too." She sighed and her eyes closed, though the slight furrow in her brow told him she was still awake.

"Look, I need to let you get some rest. But I want to come visit you again tomorrow. Is that gonna be okay?" Until now, she hadn't had a choice about it.

Her half-lidded gaze wasn't enough to reach his eyes. "Of course, James." There was the barest squeeze of her hand. "It's all I want. I mean... Nnh. Sorry. Words."

Shepard's words sounded perfect to him. He squeezed back very gently. "It's okay. Night, Shep."

Her eyes closed again, and this time, she slept.

 

"Quit it, Vega!"

James stopped bouncing on his heels. "Sorry, man." It was 1655h. Guarding a set of doors at the ass end of a corridor for four hours had been pretty dull, but now that Shepard was awake he was filled with a more vibrant energy than before, especially when the end of his shift was near. He'd seen her briefly that morning but Chakwas had shooed him off to the other medbay, promising that she'd still be there when he finished putting the hours in. James had to admit she'd been right to - he was a lot more focused helping out when Shepard wasn't one of the patients in the room.

1700\. They handed over to the next shift and went their separate ways. James checked his omnitool. He'd noticed a few messages coming in and guessed that the Normandy crew had been told about Shepard's recovery.

He didn't expect to see a message from Hackett.

> [RV outside medbay immediately after your shift.]

_Shit. Sounds urgent._ He would have expected him to brief Chakwas, but to ask for him personally? Had something happened?

James was panting when he arrived, having run most of the way back, though he calmed himself outwardly and saluted. "Admiral."

"This way." Hackett led him away from the door and eventually to a small conference room further down the corridor. There was no one else there. "I've spoken to Shepard."

James stopped himself from asking how she was doing. He'd find out soon enough, and Hackett wouldn't pull him aside just for a chat. So he just nodded.

"Lieutenant, I'm going to be frank with you. I'm still piecing together what happened at the Citadel from what Shepard told me. But there's one thing that she was very clear about, and Doctor Chakwas recommended I share it with you now since you're going to be in confidence with the Commander. But no one else, except the Doctor. Are we clear?"

"Yes, Sir."

"Shepard was indoctrinated. She killed Admiral Anderson."


	15. Chapter 15

When James walked out of the meeting room, he accessed the nearest door, which turned out to be an old observation room currently used for storage. With only the emergency lights on, he stared out at the stars, and after a moment pulled off his Alliance dog tags. He kicked away some boxes at the foot of the couch so he could sit.

Shepard was the strongest. The one constant opposed to the Reapers. The one who stood and fought against them when everyone else doubted. Defying the Council, the Alliance, and even death.

Shepard. Indoctrinated.

The metal dug into his palm as he clenched his fist. He'd been in space so long, yet staring out it felt like the blackest night. He didn't know their ETA to Earth, or what orbits they'd already passed. For now it was silence and stars, and the air that filled the hollow in his chest.

James eventually became aware of himself again: the slight chill in his hands, the slump in his torso. He sat up straight, then stood. The faint green light above him ghosted him into reflection. How had Anderson felt when Shepard turned on him? To see his best and brightest fall and betray him?

Bright sterility greeted him in the corridor, shining too much light into his consciousness as he walked away.

How had Shepard felt?

James turned back.

 

Chakwas was too busy to stop his hurried avoidance of her. James refused to meet anyone's eye until he was shielded behind the partition. Shepard was dozing. Habit would have seated him in the chair, but instead he rocked his weight on his feet.

When Shepard stirred, he started, unable to keep his words inside any longer. "What did they offer you?"

She looked at him sleepily. "Who?"

"The Reapers."

Shepard gained alertness in understanding. "They didn't. I mean, I didn't take..." She took a few moments to get her words together. " _They_ took. The Illusive Man... used my hand to pull the trigger."

The Illusive Man. That bastard's experiments finally gave him the power he wanted. James wasn't expecting that he'd be doing the Reapers' job. Power over Shepard? "What happened?"

"When I got myself back, I turned on him."

"But how did-" James stopped when Shepard's hand reached out for him.

"Please." Her breaths were short, her gaze insistent. "I don't want to relive it. Not right now. Maybe not ever again."

He broke that gaze and turned away. She couldn't give him the answers he wanted.

"James..." she said softly, "I just need- I just need you here."

_Stay._

James stared at the dog tags still in his hand, the emptiness in his chest filling again even through the hurt. He knew what to do now. He walked to her side, sitting on the edge of the bed and putting the tags in her palm. "I'll be here. And when I'm not, you'll have these."

Shepard's eyes were damp. She brought her other hand to cover his. "Why would you leave them here?"

His voice wavered. "Because they're the only part of me I can leave behind."

She gripped him tighter.

Buried in the emotion was a chance at relief, which he desperately needed. "Unless you want my shirt."

"James." Shepard sniffed and smiled. "That would be... uh..."

James chuckled and neither of them filled in the word. Shepard's hold gradually loosened but James didn't move his hand. "I'm sorry. For what happened."

"I know. Thank you."

The emotions suppressed by his initial shock came flooding back.

"Lieutenant," Chakwas said from the partition, "you have fifteen minutes. I need to work on Shepard."

Shepard sighed. "Right. Physio, among other things."

"Got it," James called back.

 

Scars that had been hidden under bandages led James' gaze. There was now a horizontal one across her cheek that joined the ones she had sported when he'd first met her, the day she went from vid-legend to real physical body under his guard. She was tall, but not as tall as him. She was slighter, but seemed stronger, infinitely stronger. Her will alone was a powerful thing.

"How are you finding the ship?" She asked, resting his tags on her stomach, under her hand.

"Uh... big. And a bit lonely, until you woke up."

"You're in touch with the Normandy?"

"Yeah, though not as much as I'd like to. I know they'll be mad at me, but rather them than Hackett."

A little frown creased her forehead. "He's not letting you update them?"

"Chakwas sends them official updates. I just keep mine vague. I miss them though. And they miss you." Yet James wouldn't trade places with any of them. The energy that had driven him when he and Shepard had been apart didn't fade when they made contact. It just became something else, something deeper. He wondered if it was the same for her.

"I bet Kaidan's keeping them in line."

"Yeah. Nothing to you though."

She turned that smile towards him again. _Yep. Still there. Fuck, Shepard, how do I tell you?_

"I... I've... been doing N7 prep." James shrugged his shoulders. "Have you got any pointers?"

"I know what you've done in the field has already blown any combat training out of the water. And reading is good, but it's only a small step into the practice you get. It's the leadership, James. And the stuff they can't teach, but you'll have to prove anyway."

"Yeah."

"Still doubt yourself?"

"No. I don't know. I don't think so. It's just- I've not led since. I don't have a team any more." James took the honesty a little further. "And I wanna be on yours." He'd take any assignment. But nothing would feel as right as serving at Shepard's side.

"You'll always be on my team, James."

The way it filled him with pride and belonging, it wasn't something he intended to forget.

 

James left Shepard for the night and Chakwas near chased him to collar him out by the corridor.

"Not so fast, Lieutenant. Remember you report to me." However, she was smiling. "I have some good news for you."

"Oh?" That was always good. Especially after the reason Hackett had stopped him.

"The crew have managed to restore EDI's functionality."

"Yeah? That's great!" He immediately thought of Joker and was glad he didn't have to suffer any more.

"It is. That's not all. Given our imminent return to Earth, tomorrow will be your last shift serving with the Paris, and under me. You'll be converted to visitor status and fall under Commander Alenko's authority until Shepard is fit to take the post again."

"Doctor..." James saluted. "Thank you."

"I know Hackett briefed you. You disappeared for a while. But I knew you'd come back."

"Yeah. It was hard, but... I know it's a hundred times harder for Shepard. I have to think of her."

Chakwas put a hand on his arm. "And that's why you're by her side." She smiled. "Get some rest."

 

After getting back to his bunk, James checked his omni-tool.

Cortez, S. > [How are you holding up, Vega?]  
Traynor, S. > [EDI'S BACK!]  
Traynor, S. > [Anyway, I hope you're looking after Shepard. Are you playing your music?]  
Garrus Vakarian/Ext. > [We're heading to Earth now. See you there.]  
Traynor, S. > [P.S. We are. Radio Normandy! Though I think Radio EDI has a nice ring to it. And I'm crying again. Great.]  
Tali'zorah/Ext. > Video message. Tap ^ to view.  
Tali'zorah/Ext. > [dont open w shepard around!!!]

James was overwhelmed, but happy. He smiled and opened Tali's vid on the holographic screen.

"Hey Vega. I know you can't tell Shepard any of this, but I thought you'd want to hear what's happening with the quarian fleet. It's going to take longer than we thought to plan our route back to Rannoch because of how the fuel sources have been depleted and the other fleets that have to travel. They've asked me again to join them, although this time it's just as Admiral to help them with the decisions while they're in Turian space. So, after Earth, I don't know. Garrus might want to see his family too. If I can't convince the Normandy to head out we might make a trip if we can. I think I need to be there. Xen is convinced we should make a detour back to Eden Prime to collect all the geth remains there, even though we'll have our hands full of it with all the deactivated geth around Rannoch. There's a lot to think about. Tell Shepard I said hi. And the Doctor, too. Michel is fun, though, I didn't realise. Apparently she knows some tricks to detox drunk quarians faster. I need to collect that information... for the fleet. For Rannoch! Keelah se'lai!"

James grinned as he watched Tali's little wave. Would they really leave though? Without the relays, it wouldn't be just a quick trip. Although it would depend on how quickly repairs to the relays could be worked out and put in place. Still, if the Normandy was going to spend a lot of time with the Alliance near Earth, maybe it was a good idea in the short term.

He typed out quick replies to all of them. He'd completely forgotten about the music once Shepard was awake, so that would be something they could enjoy tomorrow. And one day, Shepard would be able to dance with him again.


	16. Chapter 16

"Lieutenant! You can't bring your own food to a medbay."

"Sorry, Doc, I just-"

"Out. She's asleep anyway."

James finished his breakfast wrap in the corridor. Last day of shift. He needed to see Shepard before he started. He wiped his mouth and dove back in through the door. "Okay, I'm done."

"We'll be in orbit by the time you're back." Chakwas said as he hurried past. "If they can find a spot among the debris."

A couple of the regular patients he recognised gave him an amused look. He didn't care. He went into Shepard's area and that warmth, that damn warmth that she gave him was back in his throat as he saw his tags resting on her chest, chain draped down over her neck as if she was wearing them.

"Yeah, chica," he said, lifting the chain up so it went over her head, "keep them safe for me."

 

No guard patrol for him today. There were some marines who had just been signed off from physio, the same one that was now working with Shepard, who needed observation and guidance during their physical recovery. Now this James could do. Standing around was never going to be for him, but helping out in the gym? Hell yeah.

He even got a chance to show off his form.

The last half hour was spent in the XO's office, completing some reports and answering a few questions. If he wasn't so tied to the Normandy and to Shepard, he might have counted himself lucky to continue to serve on the Paris under Admiral Hackett.

 

Chakwas wasn't in the main room when he got back to the med bay, so he expected her to be with Shepard. What he didn't expect when he walked through was to see Shepard sitting upright in a tank top.

"Hey," he said in greeting. "I thought you were too mashed up for all that?" Not that he wasn't pleased. He was delighted. Nothing could keep Shepard down for long.

She shrugged one bare shoulder, the tags around her neck glinting in the light. "Apparently not. It just feels that way."

"We've tried to get Shepard a wheelchair but there are none to spare," Chakwas said. "By the time we obtain one I fear she may not need it any more."

"It's a nice problem to have," Shepard reminded the Doctor.

"True enough."

"So you can sit up, and move about?"

Shepard nodded. "I don't trust my legs yet, but apart from that... I could do with seeing another set of walls."

Her recovery was remarkable. The Cerberus implants and her own toughness, along with the medical care she received, had her almost back to full health, if not fitness. "You've been eating?"

"Yeah." She held up her hands. No IVs. No monitoring equipment attached. Nothing now.

James had an idea.

"Let me take you." He held his arms out, for demonstration if nothing else. "I've got a place in mind, not far off."

Shepard smiled. "Do it."

"Doc?"

"One hour." She turned to Shepard. "I could hardly keep either of you here if I tried."

James grinned. "Looks like I get to break you out after all."

Chakwas passed a hoodie to Shepard who put it on carefully.

"Ready?"

"Hell yes."

"Okay," he stepped close and leaned down, "arms around me."

"You're so smooth, Vega," Shepard said before following his instructions.

James hugged her close with one arm and Chakwas pulled the blankets back so he could slide his other arm under her legs. She had obviously been dressed or maybe even dressed herself as she wore leggings now. He'd have to be careful not to catch any sore spots as he moved. He lifted her up. "Just tell me if it hurts, okay?"

Shepard rested her head on his shoulder. "Never felt better."

James nodded at Chakwas, his heart thudding as he carried Shepard out. The conversation in the med bay stopped as its occupants looked at the Commander. Chakwas came out behind him as he went through the door, to notify the guards of what was happening.

Then it was just the empty corridor ahead and Shepard in his arms, breathing quietly against him. Not frail. Not weak. Just _there_. Just Shepard.

 

"Close your eyes," he said outside the door.

"They are closed," she murmured.

"Damn, you got comfy fast."

"You're warm."

 _Shit. Shit shit shit._ "Yeah... you know it. Okay."

Trusting that she really did have her eyes closed, and giddy with the thought that she enjoyed being curled up on him, he opened the door to the observation room and walked through.

 _Wow._ "Open them," he said when he got to the window, rather in awe at the sight.

Earth.

Large and beautiful and shining with sunlight. The Citadel poised in orbit on their right, and scattered ships and Reaper tech suspended in the space around.

Shepard's intake of breath was audible, and she gripped him more tightly. "James..." she whispered.

James got a lump in his throat. "Welcome home."

He shuffled back to hit the couch and sat down as gracefully as he could, not wanting to jolt her in any way. He rested her on his lap just as she was, still holding onto her as she held him, only moving the hand from under her legs to come up around her shoulders.

"We made it," he whispered, nudging his forehead against hers.

Shepard lifted her head so their noses touched and looked up at him.

This time it felt so right, so right. James didn't need to decide what to do in that moment because their lips met and he sank into it, kissing her. Shepard's fingers curled against the back of his shoulders, arms pressing determinedly forward for more of him. The heat that had been building in James bloomed in his chest and spread to every part of him, drinking her in as he opened up to her. He made a soft sound as she deepened the kiss, his hand going up to touch her face and brush back through her hair.

"Shepard..." he said breathlessly when they broke the kiss.

She didn't move away. "I found a message. On my omni-tool. You were asking me to be safe." She looked up at him. "You made sure that I was."

"Did the Doc tell you that?"

"James, she didn't have to."

"Then you know... I... you know I feel- _I love you_ , Shepard."

She breathed in as if she was holding those words inside her, then kissed him again. James leaned into her, feeling the strength in his heart as he kissed back.

He really was home.

 

"I brought that music we danced to."

"I'm not dancing, James."

"No. I don't really want to move right now." James smiled. "I meant to leave it for you by the bed, but I can play it here."

"I take it people usually do the seducing part _before_ they kiss."

"Do you care?"

"Hell no."


	17. Chapter 17

James couldn't stop smiling. His expression would only fade for a few moments before returning with the warmth of Shepard against him, and the knowledge that the end of the war had finally brought him the happiness he had longed for.

The fact that he made Shepard happy - that was the best part.

The hour took a long time to be up. James held Shepard for all of it, though she was comfortably draped into his side and didn't need much support. Shepard was leaning most of her weight on James' good shoulder, which left his arms free to hug and stroke her. Watching the activity around Earth was calming and held their attention, when they weren't engrossed in each other.

"You know, I think we should move. I don't want to anger Chakwas after... she's been so good to me. She got me on the ship when I thought I'd be locked up for insubordination."

"Can't see how you'd do that while I was unconscious." She peered at him, though the quirk to her lips remained. "What _did_ you do?"

"I might have shoved the Major against a wall."

"Ah. And did you end up against the opposite one?"

"No. He was more restrained than I was."

"Lucky. His biotics are stronger than mine." Shepard shifted beside him and sighed. "You're right about Chakwas though. She'll expect us back."

"Can you walk?"

Shepard laughed. "Your kiss did a lot of things, Vega, but that's a bit ambitious. Besides-"

"What kind of things?" James blurted out as he moved to stand. "I mean... you liked it that much?"

She laughed again and it was so good to hear, that even leaving the tiny room didn't get rid of the warmth that had built up in James' blood.

 

His omni-tool buzzed while he was carrying Shepard.

"Oh," she said, "I thought that was mine."

"I'm surprised you haven't been flooded with messages."

"I don't know if Hackett has put them on hold, or what. But after yours, I didn't get any more."

"Could be because the system broke- can you get that door?"

Shepard reached out and activated the door to the med bay. "I should probably speak to Hackett again soon. What I've given him isn't enough for a full report."

"Wonder how much of it will stay confidential." James nodded at Chakwas as he passed and then stepped into Shepard's sheltered partition. "I know everyone must be desperate for information."

He set her down gently, and Shepard kissed him on the lips before letting him go. "Some things I don't want the world to know yet."

 

[Hey, Major. When's the Normandy getting here?] >

James paused before getting on the treadmill, just in case Kaidan replied straight away.

> [It's chaos out here. But Hackett says we're good to dock. See you soon. K.]

Without a formal roster of work, James had been catching up with the Alliance news channels a lot more. In particular, one that was originally transmitting Reaper locations was now being used to help coordinate orbital activity. Between rescue and cleanup operations, ships wanting to return home, and all the satellites, the Alliance quickly put a ban on any more movement. The Normandy getting through was straight-from-the-top stuff. He would have time for a quick run and shower before he needed to be back at Shepard's side. Or rather, he wanted to be. Figuring out where duty ended and desire began was tricky. But hadn't it always been?

As it was, he had time to put on clean clothes and grab some food before seeing Shepard.

"About time you got here."

"Sorry, Shep. You were waiting?" He got a little warm at the thought.

"Not all of us get to run."

"Yet."

"Yet." Shepard was sitting up straight. "But I will."

"Yeah." James sat on the edge of the bed, and then hesitated before leaning forward to kiss her.

"Hmmm." She smiled. "You up for sneaking me out again?"

"That's not a good idea. My boss is coming, you know." He didn't even try to hide his smirk.

Shepard put her finger under his chin. "Your boss is right here, Lieutenant."

That sent a shiver up his spine. "Uh, yes ma'am."

They both broke into laughter that lasted a full half a minute until the med bay door opened and a familiar voice joined Chakwas beyond the screen. Kaidan was soon with them and James stood, but stopped short of saluting him. Kaidan nodded at him.

"Hey, Shepard."

"Major. Good to see you." Shepard took Kaidan's offered hand.

"The rest of the team are holed up in a conference room. I couldn't convince them to stay on the Normandy. EDI stayed back with Joker, though. They'll be taking Garrus and Tali away once they're done here."

"Why?"

"I'll let them tell you in person."

"You did well to keep them from chasing you in here." Shepard said nothing about EDI because she didn't know about her period of inactivity after the Crucible had fired. James still had questions about that, and the other synthetics. Would the quarians be able to restore the geth in some way? Would some idiot try to reactivate a Reaper? Maybe not now, but in hundreds of years, when the horrors this war had inflicted faded from memory and the next Illusive Man tried to 'harness their power'.

"Well, we had to be security screened like everyone else. That subdued the mood a bit. But everyone's eager to see you." He turned to James. "And you, Vega."

James perked up. "Esteban's here?" He had hoped so. Pretty much the only person that could draw him from Shepard's side right now was Steve Cortez.

"Yeah. A lot of the crew stayed back though." Kaidan folded his arms. "It's a shame. They got us through this war just as much as everyone else."

"It's okay. I'll see them when I can walk again. I'll thank them personally."

James perched on Shepard's bed. "You want a ride to the conference room, then?"

Kaidan raised an eyebrow.

Shepard smiled. "I may not have come on the Normandy but I can still arrive in style."

 

Walking into a room full of the Normandy team with Shepard in his arms was an entrance that James wasn't really prepared for - or likely to forget. Everyone tried to crowd around him but he pushed through them and sat Shepard down on the table, staying by her side with his arm around her.

"Shepard," Liara said, taking her hand first.

Garrus leaned by James's side and patted him on the shoulder. "Hey, good work."

James smiled. "She's in one piece. That's all that matters."

Steve also went to James after greeting Shepard. "Hey." He leaned forward to give James a hug and James responded with a half hug of his own, not wanting to let go of Shepard. Two of his favourite people in the universe, safe. It was all he wanted. He was starting to get emotional. It was the atmosphere in the room. It didn't help that Traynor had tears welling in her eyes, a feeling that extended to him too, as everyone greeted him warmly and thanked him even though all he had done was be there while everyone else did the hard work.

"Hey, Vakarian."

"Shepard." Garrus stood and went to her last, after calmly avoiding the clamor. "Hm," he said, looking at her face, "you're almost as ruggedly handsome as I am, now."

Shepard scoffed. "Good to see you too. What's this I hear about you and Tali leaving?"

"Yeah," he said as Tali joined the conversation.

Steve took Garrus' place beside James. "Your shoulder okay?"

"It's getting there. Though," James confessed, "I've not been noticing it with Shep around."

"Oh yeah?" Steve grinned. He didn't push it in the presence of the others.

Shepard, however, must have been paying attention, as she nudged James' body with her own.

 

"I'm going back to the Normandy too," Kaidan said when everyone was done catching up with Shepard. "But we're coming back for the memorial service."

"It's a shame you won't be there," Shepard said to Garrus and Tali.

"Yeah," Tali said. "There's just so much to do."

"I know."

Garrus leaned forward. "We'll see each other again, Shepard. I'll make sure of it."

Shepard smiled. "All right, get going."

"I have to go too," Liara said. "All my equipment is set up there. Otherwise, I'd stay." Liara's role was critical at a time like this.

"Of course. What about you, Traynor?"

"Uh, I think I'm needed on the Normandy. But I would _love_ to see the set up on a ship like this."

"You can stay, if you want." Kaidan said. "We're all abandoning Shepard otherwise."

It was true. At this rate, only James would be left. But the Normandy needed a good crew. And a good shuttle pilot. "You goin', Esteban?"

"Actually, I've already requested to stay. I've got my gear with me."

"Yeah?" The others started to file out and James could feel Shepard struggling to keep her shoulders from sloping. It only occurred to him now that he should have offered to put her in a chair. "Let me know where you're bunked and I'll come find you. I gotta take care of Shepard first."

"Of course." Steve smiled.

"You ready?" When Shepard nodded, he put his arms around her and picked her up. "Sorry."

"For what?"

James held her as securely as he could as he walked out into the corridor. "I didn't really look after you. Got distracted."

"It's okay." She rested her cheek on his shoulder. "So did I."

There were a lot of ways James could take that, but flirting could wait. He had to get her comfortable. Even he was feeling a little drained now. He'd been so used to quiet time alone or with Shepard. But he was glad to have Traynor and Esteban around. They'd be good additional company for Shepard as she was awake for most of the day now. Something nagged him about Steve, though. He needed to check that he was really okay. It wasn't likely he was here to pilot anything, so maybe he was just taking a break.

"James."

"Yeah."

"I'm going to ask Chakwas to get me into some officer's quarters here. I don't need to be in the med bay just to sleep."

"You're well enough?"

Shepard nodded. "Should I ask her to put you with me?"

James' skin prickled. _Did she just...?_ The way she asked that question was so casually direct, but there was a whole load of meaning behind it. Staying with Shepard when they were involved meant something completely different than being offered a room with, say, Esteban. That was a big thing to consider. On the one hand, _yes, por dios_. On the other, was it right? His chest felt hot under her body. "Uh..." Shepard could probably get anything she wanted. If there was a time to arrange something like this, it was now. His heart thudded.

"I'm not asking as your boss," Shepard said softly.

James hadn't been worried about that. He probably should have, but Shepard had her position to consider and asked him anyway. His steps had slowed, but now he stopped. Shit. Where was he even going?

"James?"

He looked down at Shepard. "Yes."


End file.
